A story of life

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9

Two years ago today, we began to learn that God’s ways are not our ways. That this life that we think we are in control of is nothing but a vapor; a gift from an everlasting God.

Two years ago today, we sat in a doctor’s office and tried to wrap our minds around the news that our baby had gone to be with Jesus.

But that is not where the story ends. What started as our story of loss has turned into a story of life.

Beauty has risen from the ashes.

We’ve shared this story with countless individuals but have never shared it on a larger scale. I thought today would be fitting to finally share it here.

On that day, March 26, 2013, we knew that we had a long road of healing ahead. The promises of God, as well as a good dose of time, began to heal our hearts. We started looking ahead to the possibility of another baby.

In October of 2013, we found out that I was pregnant again. My feelings were a mix of excitement and fear, as I struggled to let myself attach too strongly to this tiny being. I called my midwife to set up my first appointment and was “coincidentally” scheduled on October 23…the due date of the baby we lost.

For the first time in my life, I felt like God really gave me a verse. It was Psalm 66:12,

“…we went through fire and through water; yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.”

We’ve come full circle, I thought to myself. This baby is our place of abundance. God is redeeming a day that reminds us of loss, and giving us life.

I remember sharing my verse and my lofty thoughts about God with some very dear friends just a few hours before my appointment.

Later that afternoon, on October 23, 2013, I was devastated to hear the dreaded words again…”It’s another loss.”

“I can’t do this again”, were the first words out of my mouth when the midwife left the room. All of my faith in God and my pretty plans for how God would redeem our situation vanished almost instantly in the face of the horrifying thought that we would have to walk through that valley again.

But God’s ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts.

My rock of a husband refused to give up hope. And my prayer warrior momma, in-laws, and community lifted us up before the One who is the Author of life.

Somehow during the next few days of shock, disappointment and confusion, we clung to our verse and to the Lord. We would be brought to a place of abundance. Whether that meant another baby or not, Jesus would be enough. We had to come to the place where we would trust Him and be content knowing that we were loved with the greatest love imaginable. We would have to trust that the God who created life would be faithful to us.

One week later, on October 29, we went back to the midwife to do one more check and to make sure my hormone levels were going down normally. But…there was a heartbeat!

And a perfect, healthy baby in my womb.

However you look at it, it’s hard to get past the fact that we are not in control of life. There was nothing we could do to keep that precious little life from being snatched away. But there is Someone who is in control.

The Author of life (Acts 3:15) is still in control. No matter how advanced our technology or brilliant our minds, we cannot create life. And in our culture, where life is so easily discarded, we need a reminder that life is precious.

Life is a gift from God.

We knew this baby’s name would be significant. A memorial for us to remind us of how God worked in our lives. An Ebenezer.

Zoe was a name we had tossed around for a while and Jane was a name that Marcos came up with as well as turning out to be a family name on both sides. So when I looked up the meanings of those two names, I got chills.

Zoe means “life” and Jane means “gift from God”

And so our precious girl’s name is Zoe Jane. Life is a gift from God.

She will forever be our reminder that we are not in control. What we saw as loss, God turned around and gave us life.