I have such a hard time just being. I mean really being in the moment. Not doing, just being.
I was so reminded of that this week. I have been longing for a break. A few hours to just do what I want with my time. And then one day early this week my babies slept. At the same time. If you don’t have little kids you won’t understand how huge this is! But to me it’s a big deal. I was so excited to knock some stuff off of my to-do list. So I got to work.
2 hours later, my babies were still asleep. And I missed them.
Yes, my bedroom was cleaner than it has been in weeks. Yes, I’d actually had time to sit down and eat lunch instead of scarfing down whatever I can eat while bouncing a baby.
It’s not that I wasn’t grateful for the break. I was! Extremely grateful. But I think what God did for me was give me a little glimpse of the bigger picture. I missed the sounds of the little people who create such chaos in my house.
Someday, not even that far away, I won’t have these tiny humans in my house. I will have plenty of time to keep my house clean. But I won’t have the privilege of shaping and shepherding tiny hearts. Why then do I have such a hard time being? Why can’t I sit and drive trucks without mentally making a grocery list or thinking about the laundry mountain? Why do I so often say no to reading books with my boy so that I can clean the kitchen? Why do I resent my baby waking up when I had just gotten out the bathroom cleaners?
These years are so short. My time with these littles is so precious.
I want to stop DOING so much and start BEING more.
I want God to show me the importance of my job. Yes it is hard and mundane but oh so important. And I don’t want to miss out on it because I had too much to do.
Well I know you probably don’t believe it since I’ve been MIA since Zoe was born, but we ARE surviving!! The adjustment phase is lasting a lot longer than my optimistic brain planned on it being but that’s ok! Zoe has been a really great baby for the most part. She’s starting to be awake a bit more during the day and is smiling and “talking” more every day. She sleeps great at night, usually about a 4 hour stretch at the beginning of the night and then eating every 2 1/2 to 3 hours. She doesn’t cry at all at night so we are actually getting a decent amount of sleep. The evening however, is a different story. As best as I can tell she has colic (that mysterious and dreaded word). So we have nightly crying fests (mostly her, although I may have joined in a few times). Elias has had a bit of an adjustment phase as well as he gets used to sharing mommy’s time. We’ve been having a lot more behavioral issues than we were used to with our usually complaint little man. All to be expected, but the combination of a demanding newborn and a much more demanding 2 year-old has left very little time for much else besides survival. I’m sure as the weeks go by and things smooth out, I will feel like we have a life outside of crying babies again! So here are some of our adventures with two kids!
First church day
Lots of walks in the boba wrap!
Sunday night trip to the myriad gardens for water fun and live music (plus the best chocolate malt ever!)
Zoe’s first trip to the zoo!
Lake fun with family
Sometimes your house looks like this…
And sometimes you let your kid jump on the bed with a bucket on his head…
LOTS of days this happens…(why yes, that is her brother’s rain boot looming ominously in the corner of the photo)
And some days, if you’re lucky, this happens.
And that’s what makes it worth it. With all the good, the bad, and the ugly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sibling love melts this mama’s heart. 😍