I have such a hard time just being. I mean really being in the moment. Not doing, just being.
I was so reminded of that this week. I have been longing for a break. A few hours to just do what I want with my time. And then one day early this week my babies slept. At the same time. If you don’t have little kids you won’t understand how huge this is! But to me it’s a big deal. I was so excited to knock some stuff off of my to-do list. So I got to work.
2 hours later, my babies were still asleep. And I missed them.
Yes, my bedroom was cleaner than it has been in weeks. Yes, I’d actually had time to sit down and eat lunch instead of scarfing down whatever I can eat while bouncing a baby.
It’s not that I wasn’t grateful for the break. I was! Extremely grateful. But I think what God did for me was give me a little glimpse of the bigger picture. I missed the sounds of the little people who create such chaos in my house.
Someday, not even that far away, I won’t have these tiny humans in my house. I will have plenty of time to keep my house clean. But I won’t have the privilege of shaping and shepherding tiny hearts. Why then do I have such a hard time being? Why can’t I sit and drive trucks without mentally making a grocery list or thinking about the laundry mountain? Why do I so often say no to reading books with my boy so that I can clean the kitchen? Why do I resent my baby waking up when I had just gotten out the bathroom cleaners?
These years are so short. My time with these littles is so precious.
I want to stop DOING so much and start BEING more.
I want God to show me the importance of my job. Yes it is hard and mundane but oh so important. And I don’t want to miss out on it because I had too much to do.